Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
