why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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