Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Randomize
