sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
