Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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