is your mom at the bar?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
