see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize