i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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