Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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