Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
