but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
