I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize