wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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