Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
