You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
