Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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