Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
