What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
