I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
