"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
