I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
