I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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