I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Im part way to drunk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
