forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
