i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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