ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
