my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
