My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize