You made me cry and you don't even care
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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