I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize