I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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