its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Randomize
