I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
