you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
