She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
