No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
