i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
