Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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