brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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