I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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