dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
