mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
