Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
