Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
