woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
