i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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