It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
