dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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