I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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