mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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