I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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