i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
