dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
