I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
