Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
