Bisexual people are plain selfish.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
