you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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