You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
