Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
