btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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