Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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