i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
