got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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