i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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