my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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