Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
