She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
