This girl is more easily done than said...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
