I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
