I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
