the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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