Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
