Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
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