I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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