got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
