saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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