drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My bed smells like the plague
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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