then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
