Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
