Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
