I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
