I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
