I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
