Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
