btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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